I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
