I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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