There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
be right there i have to get my cape
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
