Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
