Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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