im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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