Even the bartender felt bad for me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
