Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
