Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
