I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
