the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
