On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
