My hand turned me down
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
