Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She bit a glass in half.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
