We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize