I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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