The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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