She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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