i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
