It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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