Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
