Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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