Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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