either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
