Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
