even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
