recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize