I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
