I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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