Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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