the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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