My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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