You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
