Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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