my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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