I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
