that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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