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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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