So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
