we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
