I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
