Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
