Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
