4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
