i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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