Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
