So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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