I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
