guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize