So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
