dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
