This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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