Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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