Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
