I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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