he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
