I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize