He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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