would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
