Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
