i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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