That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
