After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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