Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
